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Band:Impaler DVD:House Band At The Funeral Parlor Released by:Root Of All Evil Writer: Shut Up And Die (Joey Edens) Media: MySpace Click Album Cover To Buy Now

Minnesota's Impaler has released their second dvd upon the world. Oh, you didn't know? That's ok, no one else does either. Not to be confused with the awe-inspiring California death metal group Impaled, to say that this dvd/band merely sucks is akin to saying that Jenna Jameson sleeps around a little. A hybrid of punk and the 80's version of metal, this band continually bored me almost throughout the duration of the dvd. Comprised of 3 basic sections, this 110 minute "adventure" here is seemingly outdated, and it really sucks when a band basically has no clue that they suck. Singer Bill Lindsey, Guitarist Kyle Skogquist, bassist "Commander Court Hawley", and drummer Tim Croxton seemingly have no idea that when you claim to be shock rock, it might be helpful to have a stage show that actually shocks people.

The first portion of the dvd is a show from 2003, in which 2 stage hands, eerily mimicking GWAR's "slaves", bring out Bill Lindsey in what appears to be some sort of body bag. The minute he began singing into the mic, I could feel the cheese trickle through my ears. Not an exceptionally powerful vocalist, and QUITE fond of utilizing annoying 80's habits like hip gyrations, hollering "HOW YA DOIN' TA'NIGHT, PEOPLE!!!!!???", and swishing around the stage in a somewhat feminine fashion; Lindsey just gets on my last nerve. The guitar writing on the songs in this first show seem like a cross between the Ramones and Bad Religion's "Suffer" genetically infused with constant Alice Cooper worship. The drums and bass were nothing remarkable, although they were ok for what they were. The stage sound, I will admit, is decent for this show, even if the crowd tournout is crap. It looked as though there were maybe 40 people at this gig, although that could be due to camera angle. The two slave-like extras onstage this entire show basically do nothing aside from one of them kicking the other on the ground from time to time. They LITERALLY stand there and do nothing, right in the middle of the stage, for most of the show.....although they're dressed up in hokey costumes like they're actually there for a purpose. Song titles from this set include "Dead As A Doornail", "Island Of The Damned", "666 Dreary Lane", and.....wait for it..... "Shock Rock". Just.....wow.....

The second portion of this dvd is a show from 1984, and I immediately realized 3 things. A: The years have not been kind to our boys in Impaler. B: I'm REALLY glad I wasn't a teenager in 84, and C: There's some shredding going on in this version of the band, who are actually a 5-piece in good ole' 84. Looking really young and playing (ironically) slightly more complex songs, this show features all the traditional mullets and ridiculous stage posturing you could ask for. More hip gyrations....more feminine gaits.....less makeup, ok well....different makeup akin to Slayer's lame raccoon eyes from '83-84. The track "Hit With An Axe" is the bright spot from this show, as the two guitarists trade licks back and forth and do a fairly good job of tearin' it up, cheesy posturing be damned. It should be noted that one other cool point is involved with this band: the eating of guts. Apparantly Bill's gimmick is to "eat the guts" of some unknowing victim at the end of each set. Me being the hopeless zombie fanatic that I am.....I enjoy this schtick every time, regardless of corniness.

Finally, there are some "oddities" and "rarities" at the end of the dvd. A really bad video for "The Last Ride" is featured, as well as 1996 and 1998 cable access shows which did nothing to sway my state of boredom. There's also a couple of features that are actually news appearances, one which is basically a story of the history of the band, and another which is them performing for a morning newscast. Even I have to admit that that's a great idea, even if I don't really dig their music. Nothing like loud obnoxious crap to wake the city up. A 2006 interview is also featured, and they play up the cheese factor a bit with their stage makeup and all, but at least you learn some background. By the end, I realize that this dvd is truly something for fans of shock rock (not metal in my opinion) along the lines of Alice Cooper and perhaps punk fans into the Misfits and the Ramones. While not my cup of tea, nostalgia-hunters may eat this slab of shock up like no tomorrow.

Band:Impaler DVD:House Band At The Funeral Parlor Released by:Root Of All Evil Writer: Shut Up And Die (Joey Edens) Media: MySpace Click Album Cover To Buy Now

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