death...

[Fleshripper]

:puke I just lost my 2 best friends and had horrible fight with my remaining so called best "friend". I've hit all time low I dunno who to talk to and basically wish I was not along the the living I have major disgust for life in general. I don't deserve sympathy I'm in dire need of help and I'm not willing to accept help. My addictions are bad and will never end until who knows. The thing that haunts me the most is that my friend that committed suicide said that if he went threw half of what I've gone threw he would have killed himself a long time before he did himself in. My sanity is like a shroud I hide behind since it does not exist now who knows what I'll do.

[Mythos Inibri]

that sucks...I figure though if one of my friends told me to fuck off he was never really a friend unless I screwed him over then I would deserve it.Otherwise I'd be better off without "friends" that treat me bad.I try to avoid assholes.:shrug This place has slowed down the past few days...You going to see SFU this year Fleshripper??:metal

[Bonehead]

If you would like someone to talk to, let me know. PM me your phone and I would be happy to give you a call, or if you prefer I can send you mine. I don't know if this helps, but know that we all go through rough times and sometimes need someone to lean on. It isn't a show of weakness to get help when you need it, no more than going to the hospital when you are sick or injured. Psychological injuries hurt as much as broken bones and you can't fix them by yourself any better than splinting your own arm or leg. Don't feel that you have to go through it yourself cause there are lots of people that are willing to help.

[Vertigo]

I agree with Bonehead. You obviously need help from someone who is either just plain willing to listen or from a professional. I would either take Bonehead up on his offer to call you, or call a suicide help line where they can really give you advice. If you are feeling that low, I know it is cheesy, but they are trained to help you come up with solutions to any problems you may have.

On another note, I know it is hard, but you are obviously a strong person if you're still here. Don't let what your friends say determine who YOU are. I've been through a lot of shit too, but instead of using it as an excuse to be a fuckhead or dwelling on it as my background I OVERCOME it and still work on it every day. What you really have to do with every experience is to look deep into the experience and see what you can learn from it... Sometimes it may take years to realize the benefit of every negative experience, but there is always something to take from every thing that happens to you. You can either dwell on it and get sucked down into depression about it, or you can stay the strong person that you are and work toward finding the lesson and then leaving the negativity behind.

And we're all here for you ok, so if you need to talk... just talk!

[Mark Carras]

Don't let this fucked up world get you down. My number is always all over the website. So call me if you need someone to talk to as well. (360)789-0703

[Fleshripper]

Well after getting no sleep today and being hung over me and my friend talked shit out but it's a long retarded story but I'll give you short version my friend I will not name she and i where having a great time hanging out with some friends they left except me and 2 other friends other than her. I was talking to her about the guys she flirts with and how she always picks that guys who are taken and what not and she took offense to my observation. I was not being a dick or saying it in a mean tone the conversation turned ugly on her part towards me and she wound up pushing my physically out her back sliding glass door and slamming it in my face. Just because I said some thing that was negative and about her that was true. The fucked up thing is if anyone else said the same shit to her it would roll right off her back and she would not stand up to them. Well I've calmed down since this but it still bothers me just on top of all that my best friend of the past 5 years that helped me threw my friend that killed himself in my presence ordeal she treated me like a piece of shit. I was hanging out with him at the time of his death. ok lol that was still long and I left some details out.

I wanted to do some thing stupid but yet I'm still here. Mythos I would really love to go see SFU this year but my only friend who would go is Fuzzay so hopefully us two can chill soon as far as I'm concerned she is really high on my list of friends now she always has been.(If you check my myspace page I just have bands not friends on my top list so you know the real ones know who they are I hope) Bonehead, Mark, and Veritgo thanks for your kind words like fuzz I'm not big on phones even tho i have a cell phone but I'm willing to pm and post here. I always been a strong willed person but my limits are being tested this year the past 4 years have been hard and crazy I need a change bad I'm tired of maryland pg county sucks balls. :fart

[fuzzay crisis]

dude, don't worry, we'll chill soon. i'm talking to you now about things, and i wish there was some way for our lives to be magically restored to the good times. we've both lost many friends and we still have each other, so keep your head high. we have to prove to each other, and ourselves, that we can live this crazy life. hope can not be lost.

[Bonehead]

I agree with you, PG county does suck. I grew up in Montgomery County and spent much time in PG. Not high on my list of favorite places.

Sometimes people take offense at things said because someone close says something that hits a nerve. If the same things are said by someone else who isn't as close, then it is easy to dismiss it or ignore it. But if a criticism comes from someone close, then those comments can't be dismissed as easily. Hence the negative reaction. Best thing to do, if you are that close, give it a day or two and call her, tell her you are sorry your hurt her feelings and that you didn't mean to cause such a fuss. That is not saying you were wrong for what you said, just simply that you are sorry that her feelings were hurt and that you didn't intend for that to happen.

Any way you would like to talk is fine by me. On here, PM me, or let me know. Just don't do something stupid like killing yourself. That only causes more pain for those around you and it sounds like too much of that has already happened. You are a bright, intelligent person with so much potential, and so much of your future ahead of you. Live that adventure, but don't hesitate to lean on friends that are there for you.

And Fuzzay, I am sorry that I missed your posts along this same line. All of what I said to Flesh applies to you, too. If you need me, I will be there.

[Fleshripper]

Well I though I'd post here again to update you guys what's going on with me. Well I fucked up again went out drinking with some friends including the friend I mentioned in my last post I had a great time at this bar until last call. My friend was talking to some guys trying to get a drink before we left well.... This guy that seemed like a regular called me over to talk to him and said you see that guy your friend is talking to if you stop him from talking to her I'll put a .45 in your chest. I tell him whatever and walk away from him I pull my friend over to me and tell her what just happened and then my friends confront the guy thats was talking to my friend. We find out he is a cop and and the guy who threatened me may have been shooting off his mouth. But none the less I took that shit hard I wanna to hurt that guy in the worst way I should have he was trying to get his buddies to scam on my drunk friend and I hated it. The cop in the red truck tried to hang out with us and we had to lose him. I really hate that I can't seem to have a good time no matter what i do. And somehow after this crazy bullshit happens we start bitching at each other me and my female friend and it turns into worse than I than the fight we had before we worked things out and we are ok now. But I lost 100 bucks that night that I really needed to get my life on track and now I'm at the mercy of my Grandparents if they help me I can look for a job if not I dunno what I'm gonna do I needed that money. Now I also have to quit smoking period I hack flem out everyday I feel sick to my stomach as well. So i have to quit drinking and smoking it's gonna be brutal but I'm gonna do it.

[Bonehead]

You will be so much better off for it. Smoking ruins your health and costs you tons of money. Drinking...well, all I can say is that I don't do it anymore because I was an angry drunk and didn't like myself for it. I also had an uncle that died because of alcoholism and there was no way I wanted to die like that. That too will hurt you and take all of your money.

It is worth the effort to quit. Think of all the rock stars and celebs that say that life is so much better sober. It really is true. But it will be hard, no doubt about it. Just keep reminding yourself of all the great things you have ahead of you, and it doesn't hurt to think about all the money you are saving!

[Mark Carras]

You will be so much better off for it. Smoking ruins your health and costs you tons of money. Drinking...well, all I can say is that I don't do it anymore because I was an angry drunk and didn't like myself for it. I also had an uncle that died because of alcoholism and there was no way I wanted to die like that. That too will hurt you and take all of your money.

It is worth the effort to quit. Think of all the rock stars and celebs that say that life is so much better sober. It really is true. But it will be hard, no doubt about it. Just keep reminding yourself of all the great things you have ahead of you, and it doesn't hurt to think about all the money you are saving!

I also want to add that one of the biggest downfalls people have when they stop smoking and drinking at the same time is perceived boredom. Because the don't have the same activity to jump to, they get bored. So make sure to jump full tilt into a hobby that will take up a shitload of time and be exciting. Like creating music, drawing, writing a book, or pretty much anything creative that you could find yourself getting addicted to. Addicts need an addiction, so make it a healthy and productive one. :metal

As always, I give free consulting to any artists that post here. My contacts are your contacts. :cool

[Vish]

I also want to add that one of the biggest downfalls people have when they stop smoking and drinking at the same time is perceived boredom. Because the don't have the same activity to jump to, they get bored. So make sure to jump full tilt into a hobby that will take up a shitload of time and be exciting. Like creating music, drawing, writing a book, or pretty much anything creative that you could find yourself getting addicted to. Addicts need an addiction, so make it a healthy and productive one. :metal

As always, I give free consulting to any artists that post here. My contacts are your contacts. :cool

yeah... try quitting smoking, drinking, heroin and every other drug all at the same time. that's what i did.

first, i got myself addicted to food and playing guitar. then my wife got addicted to health. between this health thing and posting on forums all of the time, i got my hands pretty full... oh yeah, that whole "running a business" thing takes more time than anything. i miss playing guitar a lot. i wish i could play more than i do.

[Mark Carras]

yeah... try quitting smoking, drinking, heroin and every other drug all at the same time. that's what i did.

first, i got myself addicted to food and playing guitar. then my wife got addicted to health. between this health thing and posting on forums all of the time, i got my hands pretty full... oh yeah, that whole "running a business" thing takes more time than anything. i miss playing guitar a lot. i wish i could play more than i do.

Yep, an addict is always an addict. So being a health addict and running a business to promote that is a good way to feed that need for an addiction. :cool

[Phantomreaper]

Well that sucks, I went through a similar experience, only my friends didn't die.

[Mythos Inibri]

I haven't taken a drink in over 7 years One Day At A Time and I'll tell you what.My life is 500 times fucking better.I haven't quit cigarettes though.

[Fleshripper]

Well I though I'd give you all a update kinda been busy but i have not quit completely on the drinking. The smoking was the worse for me I can't wake up still with out hacking a lung up. Me and my friend still get along but I dunno how long that will last she seems like she would rather not be my friend but she said that when we where drunk may be she tune will change when she gets back from vacation.(So may be quitting drinking is a good thing) Speaking of vacation I'm in dire need for one myself not really trying to be in Maryland on the 4th of july but meh I dunno where i'd go so fuck it who knows if I'll get that vacation I wish for.