Xir0n
04-17-2008, 04:56 AM
Well, well, well... Here I am once again. I guess I feel like filling the RMM world in on what I've been up to... If anyone even remembers me, that is.
Well let's see... I'm 19 now. It feels about the same as it did when I was... Well... Anything I can remember. I'm engaged now to beautiful and just purely amazing young woman. I know 19 is a bit young to be engaged, but we just have a purely wonderful relationship. We never fight (seriously, not a single fight) and we meet eye to eye on most things. I don't think anyone meets eye to eye on everything, eh? That relationship is going wonderfully. I'm kind of waiting for a first fight to see how it goes. We have very good communication, and I am extremely thankful for that. I don't foresee any problems in the future.
I've been kind of on edge for the past couple weeks. I feel like I'm on the edge of a mental breakdown. I sometimes feel like I'm the last sane man alive, but I don't know if everyone feels that way sometimes. I have a fucked up way of looking at life that's impossible to explain regardless of how hard I try. I'm thankful that Kori (m'lady) is actually capable of piecing things together, albeit very slowly. I suppose it might just be too much creativity for my own good or something like that. It think it's all just because I see everyone else struggle with things that are extremely simple for me. If it was just a couple things, I suppose I wouldn't be as bothered by it, but it appears to be everything. I know, I know, it's such a terrible problem to have to be great at everything. It makes it really hard to just lead a simple life when there's really not a whole lot I can't do.
I guess I shouldn't bitch about that, but it's really just quite frustrating. I dunno. I think it's because everything is so easy for me, that I just don't really give a shit about anything. A good example of this would be to say that I didn't do a single piece of homework my entire high school career and I managed to gain slightly above a C average (2.6 GPA). Not particularly great of a GPA, but considering that homework clause involved all essays and projects. I got a 30 composite score on my ACT when I was stoned and spent a majority of my Science exam thinking about how awesome zebra gum is and how much I wish the flavor lasted longer. I became the best male singer in my choir without even remotely trying. I became the second best guitar player in my school in just under 3 years of playing with no specific practicing (as opposed to my superior's 6 years of playing and 10 hours of practicing a day). Once everything comes easy to you, you really just want a challenge.
I've always known of the challenge. My challenge is music. I have no trouble playing songs, but writing songs is something that takes an enormous amount of time, for anyone who really cares about their music. I've begun writing full songs, which is something that I have actually had an enormous amount of trouble with in the past. I have four full songs under my belt now. I am slowly working on new ones. I find it so hard to take the music in my mind and put it out into the world. Ironically, I've found that I would make an amazing bassist and find myself to be capable to write a good and different bass part for a song in about 15 minutes. However, I can't stand playing bass. No offense to bass players out there, but I just don't like basses. Anyway, I'm going to be going to McNally Smith College of Music (St. Paul school) in the Fall, and that should be good for me. Once I actually get into an environment where I really feel at home, I'm sure practicing will become a much more important part of my life and I will be able to better perfect my craft because of it. I really just need to fully feel again.
If there's anyone in the St. Paul/Minneapolis area that feels like chillin' sometime once I get up to college, I'm sure that'd be awesome. We can meet in a public place and I can be sure you're not going to kill me. :-D
I guess I'm just kind of looking for that brand new start that everyone's always talking about. I think getting away from all of the petty problems that I have to take care of here will be good for me. I'm a bit worried that my friends won't be able to get by as well without me since I tend to be the glue that holds us together. I'm guessing that this is simply the end of my high school days and it's time for me to go forth and begin again. I suppose it's a good thing since I have a record for being a wee bit insane in my area. I'm hopping in St. Paul people might just accept me for who I am, because I refuse to be anyone but myself.
I want to live my life and play my music and just generally be happy. I can't see why that should be so hard. I've heard that I can actually make a good living in Minneapolis as a musician, if I'm good. I think I have a sound that's unique and eclectic so I suppose we'll se how that goes for me. I'll accept any help along the way and I'll help anyone who asks (if you can get a hold of me). I like to think that life could be just a little bit easier if we all just helped each other out, ya know. I think I might just be a hippie, who knows. It's kind of funny because I wanted to go across the world in an RV and play music and get odd jobs with a friend of mine for my life not to long ago. And then I met the girl of my dreams and all of the sudden, I actually want a family. It's kind of funny how life comes at ya, huh? Who knows where I'll end up in this fucked up life of ours. Quite frankly, I don't care too much so much as I'm happy, and that really isn't that much to ask for if it's all you want.
Matthew Gill - The realist who sounds like an optimist.
Well let's see... I'm 19 now. It feels about the same as it did when I was... Well... Anything I can remember. I'm engaged now to beautiful and just purely amazing young woman. I know 19 is a bit young to be engaged, but we just have a purely wonderful relationship. We never fight (seriously, not a single fight) and we meet eye to eye on most things. I don't think anyone meets eye to eye on everything, eh? That relationship is going wonderfully. I'm kind of waiting for a first fight to see how it goes. We have very good communication, and I am extremely thankful for that. I don't foresee any problems in the future.
I've been kind of on edge for the past couple weeks. I feel like I'm on the edge of a mental breakdown. I sometimes feel like I'm the last sane man alive, but I don't know if everyone feels that way sometimes. I have a fucked up way of looking at life that's impossible to explain regardless of how hard I try. I'm thankful that Kori (m'lady) is actually capable of piecing things together, albeit very slowly. I suppose it might just be too much creativity for my own good or something like that. It think it's all just because I see everyone else struggle with things that are extremely simple for me. If it was just a couple things, I suppose I wouldn't be as bothered by it, but it appears to be everything. I know, I know, it's such a terrible problem to have to be great at everything. It makes it really hard to just lead a simple life when there's really not a whole lot I can't do.
I guess I shouldn't bitch about that, but it's really just quite frustrating. I dunno. I think it's because everything is so easy for me, that I just don't really give a shit about anything. A good example of this would be to say that I didn't do a single piece of homework my entire high school career and I managed to gain slightly above a C average (2.6 GPA). Not particularly great of a GPA, but considering that homework clause involved all essays and projects. I got a 30 composite score on my ACT when I was stoned and spent a majority of my Science exam thinking about how awesome zebra gum is and how much I wish the flavor lasted longer. I became the best male singer in my choir without even remotely trying. I became the second best guitar player in my school in just under 3 years of playing with no specific practicing (as opposed to my superior's 6 years of playing and 10 hours of practicing a day). Once everything comes easy to you, you really just want a challenge.
I've always known of the challenge. My challenge is music. I have no trouble playing songs, but writing songs is something that takes an enormous amount of time, for anyone who really cares about their music. I've begun writing full songs, which is something that I have actually had an enormous amount of trouble with in the past. I have four full songs under my belt now. I am slowly working on new ones. I find it so hard to take the music in my mind and put it out into the world. Ironically, I've found that I would make an amazing bassist and find myself to be capable to write a good and different bass part for a song in about 15 minutes. However, I can't stand playing bass. No offense to bass players out there, but I just don't like basses. Anyway, I'm going to be going to McNally Smith College of Music (St. Paul school) in the Fall, and that should be good for me. Once I actually get into an environment where I really feel at home, I'm sure practicing will become a much more important part of my life and I will be able to better perfect my craft because of it. I really just need to fully feel again.
If there's anyone in the St. Paul/Minneapolis area that feels like chillin' sometime once I get up to college, I'm sure that'd be awesome. We can meet in a public place and I can be sure you're not going to kill me. :-D
I guess I'm just kind of looking for that brand new start that everyone's always talking about. I think getting away from all of the petty problems that I have to take care of here will be good for me. I'm a bit worried that my friends won't be able to get by as well without me since I tend to be the glue that holds us together. I'm guessing that this is simply the end of my high school days and it's time for me to go forth and begin again. I suppose it's a good thing since I have a record for being a wee bit insane in my area. I'm hopping in St. Paul people might just accept me for who I am, because I refuse to be anyone but myself.
I want to live my life and play my music and just generally be happy. I can't see why that should be so hard. I've heard that I can actually make a good living in Minneapolis as a musician, if I'm good. I think I have a sound that's unique and eclectic so I suppose we'll se how that goes for me. I'll accept any help along the way and I'll help anyone who asks (if you can get a hold of me). I like to think that life could be just a little bit easier if we all just helped each other out, ya know. I think I might just be a hippie, who knows. It's kind of funny because I wanted to go across the world in an RV and play music and get odd jobs with a friend of mine for my life not to long ago. And then I met the girl of my dreams and all of the sudden, I actually want a family. It's kind of funny how life comes at ya, huh? Who knows where I'll end up in this fucked up life of ours. Quite frankly, I don't care too much so much as I'm happy, and that really isn't that much to ask for if it's all you want.
Matthew Gill - The realist who sounds like an optimist.